Zac and Vanessa: A Lover's Dream
by Taylor Jae
Summary: Zac and Vanessa have suffered through something horrible--the death of their not-even-born yet baby. Can they move on? Will there be another one?
1. Chapter 1

Zac and Vanessa: A Lover's Dream

Zac and Vanessa: A Lover's Dream

Chapter 1

They were dancing. She was resting her head gently on his chest. They swayed quietly to the music.

"Hey, Zac?" Vanessa said, looking up at him now.

"Yeah, V?"

"Are you really and truly happy about the baby right now?"

"You know I am." He looked around. Despite their loving the dancing, it wasn't a very private place, and he sensed she wanted to talk some big things out.

"What do you say we get out of here, go somewhere more…private?' He loved her more than anything, but he wasn't shallow. When he said private, he meant somewhere they could talk, really talk. He wasn't a phony. Vanessa smiled up at him.

"I say, let's do it." They let go of their gentle hold on each other. He grabbed her hand, and, after grabbing her jacket, they headed out.

It was dark out, lit up by the rustic glow of the city lights in the distance. They strolled along a path in their favorite park, where they had taken walks many, many times before.

"So, you're happy….about the baby?" She needed to feel reassured by him. He was the only one in the world that could make her feel the way she did: Protected, loved, respected, and many, many other things. He was the only one who she would believe. He was the only one she could count on: In this case, anyway.

"You know I am, Nessa. We didn't plan it, but I would never, ever call it a mistake, or anything bad. We both want this. It just took us courage to make it happen."

She bit her lip softly.

She was eighteen. Zac was nineteen. She knew some people hated the idea of having a child so young, but they didn't. They were going to love and love and love that baby. She knew they would. They both would.

She was four months along now, and just barely, barely showing. Just a baggy sweatshirt could easily cover it up. But, she didn't want to cover it up. She was so proud and happy that it finally happened, after waiting so long, that she couldn't wait to show the world. Not that she would do it a bad way. She wasn't like that. She was proud, but she wasn't stupid, like some celebrities. Magazines often declared the couple as "the most normal, non-celebrity", meaning that they weren't stupid and shallow and fake like most celebrities of their time.

"Hey, Ness." Zac said suddenly. "I have an idea."

"You do? Tell me, tell me." She said.

"It's a surprise. Come on. It's at the house."

They turned around, and made their way to their house, just off of Hollywood Boulevard. It was just on the edge of Hollywood, but not far enough for the paparazzi to know where they lived. Unfortunately.

They entered the house, and Zac went over to the piano. He sat down and began to play. The Portrait.

"Oh, Zac", Vanessa breathed. "I never knew you could play. You are wonderful." He turned in his playing, never hesitating or slowing down to say, "_You_ are wonderful, Vanessa."

Turning back to the song, tears were stinging her eyes now. Oh, how beautiful that was! How graceful were his hands, floating just above the keys.

When the song finished, he turned to her.

"So", he said, "what'd you think?"

"Oh, Zac, it was simply beautiful. Where'd you learn to play like that?" She was weirdly teary. Hormones, maybe. She swallowed the tears.

"I took lessons when I was younger", he said simply. "My mother forced me, saying that I would thank her someday."

"And did you?" Vanessa asked.

"Actually, I did. My mother laughed when I did. She found it funny, and I did, too."

"Well, I'm glad you can play. Now, you can teach this little one." She smiled. "I love to listen."

He smiled back at her. Everything was right, now. And she was glad. Maybe, finally, they could have what they wanted all along.

ZANESSAZANESSAZANESSAZANESSAZANESSAZA

About two weeks later, however, at about two in the morning, Vanessa knew something was wrong.

"Zac", she said, sitting up in the bed, clutching her stomach. "Something's wrong." She did not want to cry. Not yet. But, oh how it hurt. She wished it would just go away.

"With the baby?" Zac was worried. They'd waited so long for this baby. It would kill him, and Vanessa, too, he knew, if anything happened to it. And, when she nodded a yes, he felt like he might cry.

But, instead, he helped her into some clothes, and out the door and into the car. He drove to the hospital. It was good timing, too. No paparazzi were out then. It just would've made it worse. Zac got absolutely crazy whenever those reporters or interviewers touched her or got too close. Especially now. If one of them simply knocked her down, she could lose the baby. He hated to see them poking at her and prodding at her, screaming at her, reaching out to her. He hated whenever someone, besides he and the rest of the cast, her parents and friends, touched her. It made him crazy to think of someone hurting her. He was the one to protect her.

Once inside the hospital, they got her into a room. Her doctor, Dr. Cummings, came into check.

"Oh, God", the doctor couldn't help but whisper.

"What? What?" Vanessa asked, fearing her answer.

"Uh, we'll get you an, uh, ultra-sound". Then the doctor was gone. Vanessa was frantic, and felt like she couldn't breathe.

The doctor came back in about ten minutes later, and set up the ultra-sound. Vanessa was desperately uncomfortable, but it was worth it. She had to see her baby. To see if she was OK. She hoped so badly she was OK.

But what she saw wasn't that. It wasn't that at all. The baby was lying limp, and not moving.

Looking at it, Vanessa felt like she might cry and explode and throw up, all at the same time. Her baby. Oh, God. She heard Zac gasp quietly. Tears welled in her eyes. She tried hard not to cry. She wasn't ready for the tears to come yet.

"We aren't sure how stable she is. We'll check, though it may take a while, and come to you with the results." The doctor flew out of the room.

It seemed like millions and millions of hours.

It felt like millions and millions of hours.

And, when it seemed like she just couldn't do it anymore, the doctor came back. Her face was not smiling. Her eyes weren't, either. Vanessa feared what was about to come out of her mouth. She wished with all her heart, yet again, that her baby was fine. She'd prayed that many times, and she knew Zac had, too. She hoped He was listening.

"Zac, Vanessa, I am so sorry." The doctor was used to this it, and yet, tears were filling her eyes. Vanessa feared for her own eyes. "You lost the baby."

The world seemed to stop. It seemed to spin and spin and spin. She had to steady herself on Zac.

"What?" She whispered.

"You lost her, I'm so sorry", the doctor said quietly. "When you're ready, come and fill out the form."

"What?" She whispered again as the doctor walked away. "What?"

"Oh, V." Zac said quietly. He turned to face her now. He hated what he saw. Her face was etched with pain. Tears were threatening to run down her face at any second. Her eyes held questions and immense sadness. He felt like he might cry.

No words escaped her mouth. A hiccupped sob did, instead. He held her and held her as she cried. And, pretty soon, it wasn't long before he joined right in. He could feel his phone vibrating, but he wasn't going to answer. No matter who it was. This was their time right now.

Hours and hours later, sitting outside, in the waiting room, they had finished crying. At least, for now.

"We waited and waited", she started quietly. Her voice was wobbly. "And everything was good. Then, it turned around and here we were, waiting and waiting again. And for what? The worst news of my entire life." She was about to cry again. Zac took her in his arms. She felt tears slip down her face and onto his shirt.

"Did I do something wrong?" She asked through her tears.

"No, V, you didn't do one single thing wrong."

"Then why did it happen?"

"I don't know, Nessa." He said in the quietest voice he'd ever used in his life. "I just don't know."


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Chapter 2

The next morning, the pain was raw and open. It felt like the morning after a fight. They were both guarded and careful. And, they were both so sad that they hadn't slept at all the night before. They'd cried some more. They'd cried a lot, actually. They had asked countless, unanswerless questions. They had hugged and hugged and held each other and let the other one cry by themselves for a while. They were silent for minutes at a time, too. But no one slept. No one.

Now, they were still sitting in the waiting room. They'd been there all night. They hadn't filled out "the form". They weren't ready for that just yet. Vanessa wondered if they'd ever be ready for it. Now, they were just sitting. Not talking. Not crying. Not even hardly thinking. Just sitting.

As it was just starting to get dark out, Vanessa said, "Zac?"

"Yeah, V?"

"Wh-when are we going to tell people?" Her voice was getting wobbly again. Maybe she shouldn't have started talking. She really hated herself sometimes.

"When you're ready, Van." He said it very quietly.

"Maybe after we sign the form. Maybe then I'll be ready." She was thoughtful for a second. "If we don't tell them then, I may never find the courage to tell them."

"You're right."

"Zac?"

"Yeah?"

"Are _you_ ready? You keep asking if I am, but are you? I know this hurts for you, too." Looking into his blue eyes, she felt like crying all over again.

"Yes. It still hurts. It will for a while, but I'm ready. Are you?"

"I-I think so." A few tears welled in her eyes, but she didn't want him to see. He took her hand, and silently brought her up to the front desk. Their doctor was waiting there.

"I'm ready", Vanessa said quietly. The doctor looked solemn as she slid a paper across the desk. More tears welled in her eyes as she read the words. The type started to bend as her vision got blurry with tears.

She wrote her name. She wrote Zac's name. She wrote their address. She wrote their professions. She wrote their parent's names. She got to the baby's gender and she looked up at the doctor.

"She was a girl, right?" She didn't recognize her voice. It was muffled and clogged with tears she hadn't even known were there. And, when the doctor nodded, more tears came and she quickly looked down again, her hair spilling in front of the side of her face, so they couldn't see her cry.

When the awful form was filled out, she handed it to the doctor and let them see her cry. She cried into Zac's shirt when they gathered the few things they had brought with them. She cried into Zac's shirt as the doctor handed them the last picture of their baby they ever would see. She cried into Zac's shirt as he drove her back to the hotel they were all staying at for the filming of the movie. And, she cried into his shirt as he carried her inside and stood her upright.

When they arrived in their room and put their things away, they looked at the answering machine. The message button was blinking like crazy. It was all those calls he hadn't wanted to answer, coming back and catching up with him. He wasn't sure if he wanted that just now.

But, he jabbed the button and silently listened as the familiar voices of his cast-mates and parents came through the speakers. And, when he had listened to all of them, he looked at Vanessa.

"Are you ready?"

"Yes." She said it in a whisper. "Call them in." She wasn't demanding, and he knew she would cry if she had to do it herself. He wanted to cry, too. But, he would cry again, with Vanessa later.

He went out the door, and she could hear him knocking on doors and his hushed conversation. After a few minutes, he could footsteps coming closer to their room. She let them in. When everyone was there, he said, "Guys, we have some…news." By the solemn expression on their faces, the others knew it was serious. Ashley's eyes filled with tears just looking at Vanessa's tight, miserable face.

With a wobbly, tear-filled voice, she said, "We-we lost the baby." She had to bite her lip hard to keep the tears in.

"What?" Corbin whispered quietly.

That's what the others were thinking, too. They knew how excited Vanessa and Zac had been about the baby. They knew how they had to yell at their parents and Kenny, the director, to get them to understand how they felt about it, and that they were sure they wanted to keep it. There had been no doubt about that. That was sure from the start. They had never thought about not doing that.

Ashley looked up at Lucas and Corbin and Monique with tear-filled eyes. She couldn't believe it. She didn't want to have to believe it. That would make it true, and she hated for it to have to be the truth. But it was. And there was nothing anyone could do. Not anymore. She knew that was how the others were feeling, too.

Vanessa let herself cry now. She was surprised, after all the crying she'd already done, that she had any tears left to cry. But she did. She had lots of tears left.

And, after a while, Ashley walked up to Vanessa and wordlessly put her arms around her. Zac let the two girls cry together for a bit. It gave him time to hug and cry with the others. He hugged Monique. And Lucas. And Corbin. And, he cried with them, too. He needed to. He couldn't help but feel pleased that he heard them crying, too. He needed that. He needed to know that they understood, that they knew, and that they were going to be there.

After about an hour, Zac took Vanessa in his arms again, and said, "Thank you, guys, for coming and hearing our sad news. I think Ness and I are going to go to bed. We'll see you guys in the morning."

"Good-night, Zac", Corbin said. "Good-night, Ness." He gave them another hug before walking out the door. The others did the same. Then they left, leaving the sad silence to surround them once again.

They got ready and into the bed. She laid her head gently on his chest. She felt tears slip down her cheeks again. She hoped he didn't mind. But, just in case he did, she moved her head to the pillow. And, she was happy, just the tiniest bit happy, when he put his arms around her and let her cry and cry and cry.

A few days later, Vanessa awoke at around four o'clock in the morning. She couldn't help but dig into the closet and pull the box of baby stuff down from the shelf. She didn't know if she was ready for that yet, but she was going to do it anyway.

She opened the box to find a soft, pink satin material. She knew what that was without even looking at it. It was the baby book she'd never get to finish. She'd already written in it, just thoughts, her thoughts, and thought she might cry all over again when she saw it laying there. She pulled out clothes, baby clothes. She pulled out monitors and bottles and blankets. She pulled out things and cried and cried. Not long after she had started, she heard Zac wake up. He sat on the floor with her, leaning over her shoulder, watching her pull out things and cry.

They didn't say anything for a long, long while. They cried, though. They hugged each other and cried, getting more of their tears out. More of the hurt out.

When they did say something, it was Zac who did.

"We never knew her."

"I know. We never got a chance to know her."

"We missed so much, V. We missed out on all the things other parents get to do every single day of their lives."

"I know. I got angry that day at the hospital, when we were leaving. I saw parents experience what we didn't get a chance to. It made me so mad and so sad at the same time I wanted to scream at them."

"I saw that, too. I know how you felt, because I felt like that, too." The sun was slanting through the window now. And she hated to have it be that way. She didn't want the day to begin yet. She wasn't ready yet. She wasn't happy yet.

But, there is was, seeming to glare at them through the window. Zac didn't move, though. So, she didn't, either. And, they stayed sitting and sitting and thinking.

And, when they were done sitting and thinking, they got up. Vanessa felt numb. Numb to the pain she felt. Numb to the sun shine. Numb to her feelings and numb to her tears. Numb to everything.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Chapter 3

A few days later, while Vanessa was sleeping, Zac was over in Ashley's room next door.

"I think it's time V and I go home for a while."

"That's fine with us. We know why and understand. I think that would be good for her, too. And you."

"I just have to tell V—and Kenny."

"I hope he understands."

"Me too."

"Have you even told him about the baby yet?"

"No, actually. I don't know what we were waiting for. Maybe I was waiting for V, to make sure she was at least kind of OK before we told him. It's been so rough on her."

"I know, Zac. Just to look at her face for one second you can see the pain clear as day. It hurts us, too. I hope you know that."

"I do", he said softly. "I do."

"You tell Kenny, tell Ness, and head home. It'll do you both some good, if not more."

"I will. I'll go right now."

10 minutes later, Zac and Vanessa were standing outside of Kenny's office. They were nervous. Vanessa wasn't sure how much she could handle yet, but she was going in to it anyway. She had to. It was her news, too. Just then, Kenny came out the door.

"Zac, Vanessa. Come in." They went it. "So, what is it you wanted to talk to me about?"

"Um", Zac started. "We have something to tell you." Looking at their grim expressions, Kenny knew the something, whatever it was, wasn't going to be good.

"Continue", he said softly. He glanced at Vanessa. Her eyes were filling with tears.

"We-we lost the baby." Saying those words made her feel like she was punched in the stomach.

"What?" Kenny whispered, slowly sinking into a chair.

"We told the others already." Zac said. "And…" When he said that, Vanessa glanced up at him, surprised. "I think it's time V and I go home for a while."

"Yes, yes of course." He watched Vanessa's heart break all over again. Saying those words may have had a chance of getting easier, but they were never any less true. He watched them walk out the door in silence. "Come back whenever you're ready."

They flew home.

Zac and Vanessa packed a few things and got onto the plane, leaving from New Mexico and going back to California, in complete silence. Once they were in the air, Vanessa rested her head on his shoulder and let her tears fall silently. She knew she'd cry all over again, telling her parents and Zac's parents, but she didn't care. There was no limit on tears. She felt Zac kiss her hair softly. She loved him for it.

When they finally arrived back in California, they got off the plane and grabbed their luggage. They hadn't told their parents they were coming back, or the reason why.

They went to Vanessa's first. This would be the more painful one.

When they opened the door, Vanessa said, in a voice she didn't even recognize as hers, "Mom, I'm home." And, when she saw her mother come down the stairs, she thought she might have to start the crying a little early. Seeing the look on her daughter's face, Gina Hudgens rushed over.

"What? What's wrong?" Vanessa bowed her head and started to cry as her father passed through the entry way. He stopped. Zac silently put down her bag he'd held for her and watched her tell the awful news all over again.

"Zac and I. We-w-we l-lost the baby." She started the cry harder as her mother pulled her into a hug and started to cry, too.

She told Stella when she came down the stairs. And then the two sisters cried and cried together for a while.

And, when they were done crying, Vanessa stepped out of her sister's hug and surrendered to Zac. He was the only one who truly understood. As many people had said they did, they didn't. Not really. They did. He did. And she loved him for it. More than he ever knew.

When they were done crying, Zac and Vanessa said, "We'll be back later, to drop her off. It's time to tell my parents now." Gina and Greg were amazed at their maturity. They hadn't expected Zac and Vanessa to take it on themselves. They were proud of them. But, they weren't thinking of being proud and mature right now. They were thinking more along the lines of all the crying and crying that was coming and how he hated to see his girl so sad.

They drove to his house in silence.

When they got through the doorway, Zac called out softly to his parents. They came into the living room. And the looks on their faces were so sad that they stopped and skipped the hellos. Zac took a deep breath. He knew it was his time now.

"Mom, Dad, V and I….we….lost…"

"What? What did you lose?" His mother asked quietly.

"The baby." He felt like crying. He cried with is dad and with his brother, Dylan. He was glad when his mother hugged him and let him cry. And, he was glad when she took Vanessa in her arms and let her cry. She needed to cry. She was still hurting so bad. His heart ached for her. And for the baby they never knew.

When they were done crying, they had supper. It was very quiet and he noticed that Vanessa didn't even touch her food. She had been doing that, or not doing that, ever since the news of the baby. He couldn't blame her. He was too sad to eat, and she was, too. She couldn't care about things like eating anymore. Her baby was dead. Eating wasn't exactly on the top of her list right now.

After supper, Zac and Vanessa had lay on the couch and watched TV. But, after a few minutes, he knew they both didn't want TV. So, he turned it off and let them lay in silence.

A few hours later, Vanessa had fallen asleep. He gently scooped her up and carried her out to the car. He quietly drove to her house, and he brought her in, and laid her in her bed. He kissed her, told her he loved her more than anything in the world, and left.

The next day, she awoke at about 7:45. She showered and pulled on a pair of jeans and a coral colored sweater with a big, droopy neck. She put on earrings and a big chunky necklace, the same color as the sweater. She crept downstairs in bare feet to the piano and played The Portrait, which was the saddest song in the entire universe.

When the song finished, she silently closed the lid on the piano, buried her head in her hands, and cried.

And, in the middle of her crying, Zac quietly appeared. He went over to her softly and sat by her, not saying a word. When she finally looked up, tears were running down her face. He took her in his arms and let her cry some more. She loved him for it. She would've thought that most guys would've run away when it got hard. But, then again, Zac wasn't like normal guys. He was her Zac, and she loved him more than anything.

"Zac", she said after a while. "Do you think…do you think that…will we….will there…be another one?"

"Yes, V." He answered. "If you and I still want it, then there will be one."

Before the couple knew it, almost a year had gone by then. It was now November, and cooling off. HSM2 had gone off great, even though they weren't there to see the final project before the press ripped it apart. Zac and Vanessa now owned their own house, which held lots of space, plenty of light, and plenty of room for everyone. It was just them still.

Vanessa walked into the kitchen, excitement pricking at the corners of her tiny smile.

"What is it, V?"

"I just got sick!" She announced. Oh, she was happy. But only if it meant what she hoped it meant. Getting sick at this hour in the morning wasn't very much fun—unless it meant what she hoped it meant.

And, it was the final, most reassuring sign. She'd taken three tests, but now that she was sick, she was positive that's what it was.

Zac wasn't stupid. He whipped his head around to the clock, which read 9:47, and looked back at Vanessa.

"No…" he said in a low, soft voice. "You don't think…" She silently pulled the stick-like objects from behind her back. The proof.

"Yes", she said in an equally low voice.

Zac then picked her up, twirled her around, and let out a big whoop of joy. Finally--what they had been waiting for so long happened. They had got their second chance to do it right this time.

The danced and skipped and sang all around their house. They cried and laughed and still couldn't believe it had actually happened.

"Oh, V", Zac said, throwing his arms around her happily. "I'm happy. Are you happy?"

"Oh, I am", she said. "I am."

Finally it was happening. Finally, the thing they had waited for so long. Finally, it was happening.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Chapter 4

She was sleeping.

Zac's arms were wrapped around her gently, yet firmly at the same time. Her stomach wasn't quite showing yet. She was barely four months along. It was November. The baby would be born in May or June.

The California sun was slanting through their window. Vanessa's eyes fluttered open, but she didn't sit up. She lay there for a few more minutes before getting up. Then, she slowly wriggled softly and quietly out of Zac's tender grasp and swung her legs over to the edge before getting out of the bed completely. Zac didn't move the whole time. She smiled to herself.

She padded in her bare feet out into the kitchen, where she made a cup of coffee, grabbed a blanket, and curled up on the couch. She sighed happily. She'd always liked the soft, quiet contentment of the early morning hours, when all the world slept, even the paparazzi, and she was free to think.

She thought about the baby. And how it was at this time last year that she miscarried. That automatically brought tears to her eyes to think of that horrible day. She shook her head to rid herself of the memories. She couldn't think of that right now. She never could. She wasn't ready yet. Zac wasn't with her.

She thought about the baby some more. How she was going to love that little baby like crazy and she knew that neither Zac nor she would ever, ever want to let him or her go. Vanessa was secretly hoping for a girl, but nobody needed to know that. She thought of how some people weren't ready for that kind of responsibility, but she knew they were. And, they had been the first time, too. They'd tried to not leak their personal problems out into the press. They ripped the stories to shreds, and threw the truth right out the window. They could think up some terrible stuff.

And they had, too.

When news of the baby had leaked out last year, Zac and Vanessa had to stay in a hotel, while their house was being constructed, 24 hours a day until it all blew over about two months later. But, it was better than being blinded and screamed at, that was for sure.

Her mind went to the baby again. Only, not the baby that was growing inside her….the other one. The one she hated, absolutely hated to think about. It made her sad. It made her angry. It made her feel guilty. It made her think of all the things she should've done, and all the things she hadn't. It made her feel ashamed. Ashamed for not being a better mother. A better mother wouldn't have had that happen to her. A better mother would've taken it easy, slowed down. She was putting out albums and doing movies. She was focusing on her career, when she should've been thinking of the baby. And she hated herself for it.

Still, after all the minutes and all the hours that had seemed to pass between then and now, she was still hurting, and no one knew. Or…she didn't think anyone knew. She didn't want that. She didn't want fake sympathy from people that thought they understood. Because they didn't. Not really. You couldn't really, truly understand something, especially something as deep and personal and as hard as what had had happened to she and Zac, when you hadn't gone through it and experienced it. Knew what it was like for your heart to hurt so bad you felt like you might burst. Knew what it was like to stop wanting to cry and live, but not wanting to stop crying yet, either. Not wanting to forget yet.

She thought then of Zac.

He understood, sure. She knew he did. But she hated to talk about it with him. She hated him hugging her and kissing her to try to make her feel better. She hated the looks people gave her. She hated what people said. She hated having to lose someone she never even got the chance to know. She hated feeling lost and alone and empty, when she really wasn't at all. She hated feeling sad.

She pulled the blanket closer to her and shivered.

"Cold?" She jumped. It was Zac's voice. She stood up then. She was lucky. For now, the thoughts of her past baby were put on hold. She couldn't let herself think about that. Not today. Not tomorrow. Not now. Not ever.

But she knew she would. She always would. She hated to think about that, too.

So, she focused on Zac. She smiled at him and shrugged. He wrapped his arms around her from behind and kissed her neck. She kissed him back. He smiled at her. She was so glad he couldn't see through her yet. Couldn't see through the act she was putting on, telling everyone she was just fine. Or, maybe he did know. Maybe he was just taking her lead and waiting for her to open up. Whatever the case, she was glad he wasn't talking about it.

"Breakfast?" He offered. She nodded, and followed into the kitchen. She sat on a stool. He stood behind the counter.

"What would you like?"

"The usual", she said breezily. She laughed. They both did. He knew what her usual was. She was glad.

He flipped on the radio, and she smiled even wider. He knew she loved to listen to all the new music that hit the streets. Just then, her song, "Let Go", came on. He looked back and grinned at her.

She started moving in her seat. She threw off her blanket to reveal her short, tiny nightgown. Zac took her hand and danced with her, moving with her lead. Oh, they had fun dancing. She sang and he smiled and they kissed and danced all over the kitchen. If anyone doubted that their love was fake, then this would be the proof. Anybody who was anybody could see they loved each other.

She was so happy in that moment, dancing with her husband, the one man she loved. Dancing with her best friend. With her lover, her protector, her everything.

The two had married that past June, just before they finished taping for HSM2. It had been a wonderful day, full of love and sunshine. They had kissed and danced and had fun with their friends and family. They wouldn't have traded that day for anything.

They hadn't thought about the baby that night. They'd been too happy and too content to shatter everything by thinking about that. They did think about it, though. Vanessa, mostly. She wasn't sure of Zac thought about it or not. They'd talked about only a few times, and only because it was such a tough thing to discuss. She usually cried and that was the one thing he hated. He hated to see her so sad, so broken and confused. He hated when other people besides her friends and family touched her, and he hated to see her sad. It broke his heart inside to see her like that. He needed to protect her. That was what husbands do for their wives. That's what he was going to do for his wife. He loved her more than anything, and had vowed the first night he'd told her he'd loved her, and then again on their wedding night, that he would never, ever let anything to happen to her. Not ever.

He'd absolutely die if something happened to her. A lot of people would. Lots of people counted on her and they both knew it. That made him all the more insistent on keeping her as safe as she could possibly be.

Later that afternoon, she and Zac were sitting on the couch, flipping through baby catalogs. And, underneath the cover of the magazine, she thought. And he thought.

She thought of the song "Say OK." She trusted those words. That was what she wanted from him. And, so far, it was what she had gotten: Love and honesty, being protected and safe. She loved him for it. She had been so scared of being hurt again. She'd been hurt before and it had scared her so bad, so bad that she wasn't sure in the beginning. She wasn't sure how much she could trust him. She wasn't sure how much time she had until he ran away when things got hard. She hadn't been sure, but now she was. She knew she was. She knew he was.

He'd watched her stare straight ahead, thinking. He'd seen tears well in her eyes while she was. He wasn't sure if she knew he was watching or not.

He'd seen her cry. He'd seen her laugh. He'd seen her smile. He was glad she was so open with him. He was tired of girls that only cared about appearances. She did, but it didn't take over her entire life. She loved him and he loved her. Everyone thought they knew everything, that reading the magazines would tell them everything. But it didn't. There were things between them that they themselves had to still figure out. But that was part of loving someone. To figure them out, to love them and protect them.

Zac and Vanessa were so much in love with each other, that some people thought it was crazy or fake. But it wasn't. It never was. They had loved each other from the beginning, from the first day they saw each other. They knew. They had always known. They always would.

"Zac?" Her voice was suddenly quiet.

"Yeah, V?"

"Zac, you'll….you'll always….will you?...don't…." He was silent. He had always sensed what she needed. And, right now, she needed to get it all out, to get more of the hurt out. She started again. "You'll always be here, with me….right? You'll never….never leave….right? I love you, Zac." She was whispering now. She wasn't sure why. "I love you and I….I don't want you to leave. Please don't run. Please don't run." She was weirdly teary, but she didn't care. He swept her up in his arms, in the exact same way he had a year ago at the hospital, hearing the news of the baby. He looked right at her, head on.

"I'll never, ever leave you, Vanessa." He was calling her Vanessa. That meant something. That meant it was his most sincere promise. "I wouldn't dream of it. I love you too much. I wouldn't live without you, honey. I couldn't. I'd go crazy. I know I would. Trust me, V…you do trust me, right?"

"Yes", she said, looking at him with honest eyes. With tear-filled eyes. "You're the one person I completely, completely trust in the entire world." She looked down, then looked up again. "You're the one man I love in the entire world."

"And you're the one girl I love in the entire world", he said quietly.

The two leaned in for a kiss at the exact same moment. Vanessa felt as though she might cry. From happiness, from reassurance, from sadness she was hiding, she wasn't sure. The two kissed a deep, passionate kiss. A kiss they hadn't felt in a while. They'd kissed, long and deep, since the news of the baby, but it hadn't felt the same. And now that it was starting to again, it brought the two lovers more joy than they could ever contain.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Chapter 5

"Yes, Mami. Can you believe it?" Vanessa twirled the phone cord around and around her fingers as she sat curled up on the love seat. She was calling her mother, and had just told her the news of the baby.

She called her mother "Mami", which was the Spanish version of mother. She called her father, "Pere" though, because that was the French version of father. Her mother was Spanish, and her father was French, and she spoke their native languages with them. Her 13-year-old sister, Stella, spoke all three English, Spanish, and French, like Vanessa. The two sisters chose which tongue they wanted to speak in, and were expertly fluent at all three.

Vanessa and her family thought the languages sounded romantic and beautiful, and could easily understand each other. But Zac, however, thought it was mixtures of sounds and words blurred together, just because he couldn't understand any of it. He'd picked up simple words and phrases that were used often, like "bonjour" and "Como stas", but other than that, he was lost. That was why Vanessa spoke English with him. Sometimes, though, she forgot and had a bunch of Spanish or French racing off her tongue.

And that was how Zac was feeling now. Spanish words were rolling off her tongue and he couldn't understand a word. He knew the general message, though, so it was OK. And, it wasn't like Vanessa did it on purpose. She didn't, it was just what she had to do. Zac loved to listen to her talk, any language, just because of her pretty voice. He was a goon, he knew, for liking something like the sound of his wife's voice, but he didn't care.

"It'll be born in May or June", Vanessa continued. "Uh-huh. Yeah, he's totally excited. We both are. The first appointment is in two weeks. Then, we'll get a picture of the baby, and we'll come show you. OK. OK. You too. OK. I will, Mami. OK. Bye." She put the phone to her other ear and shifted on the couch. He was going to ask her why she hadn't hung up yet, but then he figured that her father would probably want to talk to her, too.

And, he turned out to be right. There she went, spouting French like a pro. He was proud of her. He loved her. These were the things he loved about her.

He was so in love with her right then, he could hardly contain himself from kissing her. They weren't naughty, but they did love each other a lot. People had heard rumors and most of them were so far from the truth, they couldn't help but have to laugh at them.

She was only nineteen, he was only twenty. Most people thought that they couldn't handle a baby and their blooming careers, but they knew they could. It was scary sometimes, tiring sometimes, but at the end of the day, they wouldn't have it any other way than the way it was right then.

When Vanessa got off the phone, she smiled. Zac was looking at her in awe and love and that made her smile. It also made her laugh. At the sound of her laugh, he came back to earth and said, "What?" In that innocent way of his.

"Oh, nothing", she told him, smiling underneath the phone.

"So", she said, "Wanna call your parents now?"

"Sure." She handed him the phone, and was ready for him to tell the wonderful news once again. But, when he finished punching in the number, he suddenly stopped, thinking.

"What?" She said. "What is it?"

"You know what I think?"

"What do you think?"

"I think we should go tell them in person."

"Really?...Hmm. I'd like that idea, I think."

"Me too. Let's go." He helped her off the couch even though she didn't need it and into the car they went. They quickly drove over to his parent's house and went up the walk.

Zac knocked the door and his mother came to it to see the two standing there. She hugged them both, and Zac couldn't help but worry about his mother hugging Vanessa too hard. But, Vanessa knew he was worried and smiled at him reassuringly over the top of his mother's head.

Starla led them into the living room, where she called, "David!" And Zac's father came in. He hugged the two and then they all sat on the couches, facing each other.

"So", Starla said, "What brings you too here?"

"Well, Mom", Zac said, "we have some news."

"What kind of news?" His father wanted to know.

"Well…" Zac smiled at Vanessa lovingly and then said, "We're going to have a baby." David hugged them both and wished them well, but his mother looked at Vanessa like she was an angel. Her eyes were filled with tears.

"Oh, honey", she said softly. Then Vanessa's eyes filled with tears and Starla leaned in and hugged her much more gently than she had before.

Vanessa did not want to cry. She quickly brushed her tears on her sleeve and said quietly, "Zac, let's go." The two got out of there as quick as possible without it looking suspicious and went straight to the car.

"Why was your mother like that?" Vanessa dared to ask once they had gotten on the road.

"I'm not sure. Maybe the fact that it's happening all over again. I couldn't tell if she was happy or sad. I could tell, though, that it upset you and I'm sorry for that, V." So he knew. He knew what she had felt. He knew her almost too well. She cleared her throat and gulped the tears away softly.

"It's OK", she said. "Really it is." He turned to her as they pulled into their driveway a few minutes later and said, "I'm glad it is. I'm glad you're so OK with this."

_Me too, Zaccy, _she thought. _Me too. _


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Chapter 6

"How about this color?" She asked her husband, holding up a pearly, soft pink color pallet. They were standing in Baby and Company, and picking out colors for the baby's room. They hadn't had time to do that for the last one, so this was all brand new to both of them. Vanessa didn't know whether she felt happy or sad about that.

"I like it", Zac said. He'd said that about lots of colors.

"Do you really like it? Really dislike it? I'd like some feedback, please", she said.

"I really like it. Since we're having a girl in all." It had been a few weeks since that day they'd gone to tell his parents and it was now December, and almost Vanessa's 20th birthday. Zac was already 21. She was now five and a half months along. Her stomach was showing now, but she didn't care. She'd let it show. She wanted to. "That is, if you like it." Vanessa smiled at her husband's comment.

"I like it", she said simply. "I really like it."

"So it's settled then", Zac said, picking up another color pallet of that same pink and sticking it in his pocket. "Pearl Pink is our color."

"Where do we get the actual paint?" She asked.

"We'll drive over to the hardware store after this, if you're up to it, and get some. They have this brand in stock over at the one on Bleeker."

She was not up to it.

And Zac couldn't blame her. After a full day of shopping for baby stuff, and a full day of walking and activity, it was perfectly OK for her to be tired. Zac put the bags in the back of their car and drive her home. He tucked her in bed and let her sleep. Before she closed her eyes, he leaned over and said, "I'm going to run over to the hardware store to get the paint, OK? I'll pick up something for dinner, too."

"'Kay", she said tiredly and he kissed her on the forehead.

"I'll be back", Zac said, and then he was gone, and she was asleep.

And when she finally woke up again, a wonderful smell wafted into her and Zac's room. She sat tiredly, rubbed her eyes, and padded out into the kitchen in her bare feet. She found Zac at the stove, stirring something. Pieces of chicken breast sizzled with flavor in another pan.

"Hey", she said softly.

"Hey, V", he said.

"What happened to take-out?"

"I decided that I wanted to cook, and that take-out wasn't as good for the baby." Zac turned to look at her head on now. "Is that OK?"

"That it perfect", she said, kissing him on the cheek. And it was.

They sat down to supper that night featuring grilled skinless chicken breast, rice, and vegetables. It was delicious. And she told him so.

"Zac, this is delicious."

"Thanks", he said simply. "I thought you'd like it."

People might have thought that Zac and Vanessa were stars and nothing else, but they were real people. With real problems. With real love between them. With real tears and happiness and disappointments. With everything real that the "normal" people had. Some people had a hard time with that still. The couple was still bombarded with paparazzi when they went out. Zac wouldn't be surprised if their baby-shopping excursion showed up in the next article in People.

After the dinner dishes were cleared and the table and counters cleared, they went into the living room to watch TV. That was another misconception. People thought stars like them went out and partied every night. They didn't. Sure, they did every once in a while, but definitely not all the time.

Just then, the phone rang.

"Hello?" Zac said, placing the phone next to his ear.

"Hey!" Ashley's voiced bubbled over the phone lines.

"Hey, Ash", Zac said.

"How's it going?"

"Good", Zac said. "We went baby shopping today."

"You didn't! You should've taken me with you!" Zac laughed at his friend's statement.

"What did you all get?" Ashley asked now.

"Tons of things. But, I think my wife can tell you about them better than I can." Zac handed the phone over to Vanessa, who immediately launched into a long description of each and every thing they'd bought that day. Zac could hear Ashley cooing and _oohing_ and _ahhing_ over the phone.

Zac still got goosebumps when he called Vanessa his wife. Sure, it was what she was, but it still gave him the chills to think he'd been lucky enough to get such a great girl all for himself. And, it meant all the more to know that she loved hum just as much, if not more, than he loved her. It might've been sappy, but he didn't care. He never had.

Almost an hour later, Vanessa hung up the phone and turned to Zac.

"Ash wants to have lunch some time this week", she reported. "You know, to catch up."

"That sounds fun", he said. And it did.

"It's amazing how little we've seen her."

"Well, she's doing her own thing, too."

"Yeah", she said. "You're right."

So, three days later, on Friday at noon, Zac and Vanessa met Ashley at a popular outdoor café.

"Hey!" Vanessa said, hugging her friend.

"Hey, Ness", Ashley said, hugging her back. "Hey, Zac."

"Hey, Ash", Zac said and the two hugged.

"It's a miracle the paparazzi haven't shown up yet", Vanessa said sitting down in a chair.

"I wouldn't count on it lasting long", Ashley said. "Last week, I was just running across the street to the gas station to get a gallon of milk and I got bombarded the second I left the house." The three laughed.

"So", Ashley said, picking up a menu, "How're things going?"

"Good", Vanessa answered. "We still have to paint the baby's room and get it set up."

"What color are you getting again?"

"It's called Pearl Pink. It's the light, pastel pink. So adorable."

It sounds like it. I'll have to come back to your house afterwards and check out some of the stuff you told me about a few days ago."

"Totally", Vanessa said, and then a waitress approached. And that back brought a memory.

Zac and Vanessa had gone to a restaurant a few blocks from their house and had gotten a waiter that just couldn't get over the fact that the two stars came into _his_ restaurant. He'd spent the whole evening drooling over the two, asking for autographs and such, when all Vanessa and Zac had wanted to do was have a nice meal.

So, that made them both a little more wary of the places they went, and the service the place provided.

"Hi, I'm Andrea, and I'll be your server this afternoon", said the nice, 20-something woman. "Now, would you like to start off with something to drink?"

"I'll have a lemon water", Vanessa said, and Zac and Ashley had iced teas.

And, after Andrea came back with their drinks and took their orders, the three sat dishing gossip and talking and catching each other up on their lives.

"I'm doing this new album", Ashley said. "It's called 'Fabulous.'"

"No way!" Vanessa exclaimed. "Me too!"

"You're doing an album called 'Fabulous?'"

"No! I'm putting out an album, too. This coming summer. Late August, most likely."

"When did you get signed to that?" Ashley wanted to know.

"A few months ago", Vanessa replied.

"Won't the baby just be born then?"

"She'll be a couple of months old by then. They told me I could push the date later if I had to or wanted. When's your album coming out?" Vanessa wanted to know.

"In May", Ashley said and then their orders came.

So, they all ate in silence before they started talking again. And when they were done with the meal, they paid the check and got up. The three all thanked them for the wonderful service they'd gotten.

But, just as they'd gotten outside, the paparazzi finally found them. They swarmed around Zac and Vanessa, screaming questions about the baby at them. They swarmed around Ashley, asking if she was seeing anyone and who it was and about her album coming out in May. Zac's arms were protectively around Vanessa, who saw so many people she was almost dizzy.

"Are you OK?" Zac shouted over all the people.

"Just get me out of here!" She shouted at him. And that's just what he did. He put his arms both around Vanessa and Ashley and led them slowly out of the crowd.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Chapter 7

"Happy birthday, dear Vanessa, happy birthday to you…"  
Zac finished singing as Vanessa opened her eyes. She sat up. She was officially 20 years old today.

"Hey", she said sleepily. "That was beautiful." And then she smiled.

"I thought you'd think so", Zac said. He then led her out into the kitchen where he'd prepared her most favorite breakfast: Pancakes with strawberries and whipped cream. There was a sparkler in the middle of the top cake and Vanessa blew it out.

She smiled at her husband when she looked up.

"This looks great, Zaccy", she said and then she sat down.

"I'm glad. I made it myself." And then he sat down too and they started to eat.

"You have a couple of shows to do today, but I kept them up because I wasn't sure how much you wanted to do today." He was too good to her. Too good. Well, almost.

"Hmm", she said. "You know what? Let's do them. I don't think it's fair to cancel just because it's my birthday." Zac smiled over the rim of his coffee cup.

"OK", he said. "Then you have an hour and a half to get ready." She flew out of her chair, almost spitting her breakfast out.

"I can't be ready in an hour and a half!" Zac jumped up, too, because he didn't want her to do too much. He put his hands on her arms and had her facing him. He kissed her on the forehead before he spoke.

"V, it's OK. You'll be ready. I've seen you get ready in under an hour. I just don't want you to do too much." She looked like she about to cry and he kissed her again. "Now, go get in the shower!" At his joking tone, she smiled again.

"Yes, Zaccy", she said in a baby voice and off she went.

When she was done showering, she slipped into a pair of skinny, medium to light-wash jeans; a detailed black tank top; a cream-colored sweater; and a pair of black flats. She put in earrings, did her make-up and slipped on one last coat of lip-gloss before she went downstairs. Zac was already dressed and ready.

"Beautiful", he said and she blushed. "Are you ready to go?"

"Yeah", she said and they both got in the car. When they pulled up at the building in which she was to do her interviews, Zac turned to her. "I'll be waiting inside for you when you get done, OK?" She nodded and in they went.

When she got up the elevator, she went over to the nice-looking woman and sat down. She'd interviewed with this woman before and she was very nice, unlike some interviews she'd gone to.

"Vanessa", the woman, now Vanessa remembered as Stacey Campbell, said warmly. "How nice to see you. And on your birthday, too." Vanessa smiled as she sat down.

"I didn't think it was fair to cancel", she said. "And besides, I like interviews."

So, the two talked, and they talked as if they were old friends, rather than a star known all around the world and a reporter for People.

"Are you and Zac all set for the baby?"

"We have the room set up now. Zac's the one who did it, actually."

"You didn't have someone do it professionally?"

"Nope", Vanessa said lightly, shaking her head. "That's the different between us and most celebrities: We don't do things "professionally." We do them ourselves and try to lead normal lives, other than being famous. We both do love what we do for a living more than anything and wouldn't trade it for the world, but we try to act as 'normal" as possible. We hope this baby will grow up that way, too."

After her two interviews, Zac took her out to lunch. A bunch of her friends came, including Ashley, her mother, and her sister, Stella, who was now 13. Unfortunately, the Paparazzi showed up too, immediately making Vanessa nervous.

"Zac", she whispered worriedly. "Look."

"I know", he said in a low voice. "I noticed them, too." He noticed her look of distress and said, "I won't let them hurt you. Or the baby."

"I'm just worried about everyone else", she said and that made him want to smile.

"They won't get hurt", he said. And then he whispered, "Look over there." She turned in the direction in which he'd pointed and saw that the police had already shown up. Two officers were heading toward them.

"Mr. and Mrs. Efron", the first one said. "I am so sorry."

Zac shrugged.

"We're used to it", he said. And then the two officers smiled.

"We'll give them a boundary, so no one will get hurt. Is that good with you?" Vanessa looked relieved, so Zac said, "Yes."

"Happy birthday, by the way", the second officer said as they walked away. Vanessa, smiled, blushed, and said thank you. And when she said Thank You, she'd meant it. She was grateful for the people that were out to protect her.

The dinner that Zac prepared for her, was even better, though. He'd made reservations at one of LA's hippest restaurants and had invited all of her friends and family to dine in the upstairs dining room. There was music playing softly in the corner and the best part of all was that she had no clue that it was happening at all.

Three hours before, he'd driven them home. Zac got ready and then said, "Get ready, OK, V? I gave you plenty of time this time." At this she smiled. "Dress fancy, OK? I've got some business to take care of and I'll be back in two hours to pick you up, OK?"

"Sounds like a plan", she said and then she kissed him on the lips and off he went.

With her husband gone for the time being, Vanessa slipped into the shower and steamed up the bathroom because she was in there for so long. When she was finished in the shower, she slipped into a satin halter dress in black that went to a little before her knees. She put her hair up like she had it for the LA premiere of Hairspray and slipped on a pair of black heels. She put her make-up on and dangly earrings in her ears. She grabbed her black clutch purse, swiped another coat of lip-gloss on her lips and before she knew it, two hours had passed and Zac was waiting for her.

"You look gorgeous, V", he said when he'd gotten in from helping her and started to drive.

"Thanks", she said. "Where are we going, anyway?" He smiled to himself.

"You'll see", was all he would say.

When they finally reached their destination, Vanessa gasped. This was one of the finest and hippest restaurants and clubs in all of California! And, she'd never eaten there before. Only danced. Zac smiled and helped her out of the car. Some reporters had gotten wind of reservations made under Efron and shown up. Zac inwardly groaned. He didn't want them to make Vanessa all nervous again and he didn't want them to be a threat to the health of her or the baby.

Zac took Vanessa's hand tight in his and kept talking so she wouldn't get nervous. Luckily she didn't. When they got up to the private dining room, everyone yelled "Happy Birthday!" And Vanessa, jumped, blushed and said thanks. She went to hug her family and friends and Zac could hear her laughing and talking as she did. They then sat down and laughed and talked while they waited for their food to arrive. The meal they had was fantastic, and so was the birthday cake, and last but not least were presents.

From her mom and dad, she got an iPhone and a plethora of gift cards for the stores she loved most. From Stella, she got an amazing bag, one she'd been wanting for a long time.

"Where did you find it?" Vanessa gasped as she unwrapped it. "I've been trying to get it for months. The stores are all completely sold out."

"I bought it the night you showed me so I'd be able to give it to you." Vanessa hugged her sister tightly.

From her friends, she got gift cards, bags, jewelry, baby stuff and other things they knew Vanessa would love.

Zac's gift came later, though. It came after they'd driven home and were drinking sparkling grape juice sitting out on their balcony. Vanessa had kicked off her heels and her bare feet were hanging off the edge of the deck. She had also taken her hair down and left it flowing down her back.

Zac pulled the small box out of his pocket and looked toward his wife. She turned to him.

"Happy Birthday, V", he said to her and she took the box. She opened it up and tears filled her eyes. She lifted a diamond encrusted heart on a sliver chain out of the box.

"Oh, Zaccy", she said breathlessly. "It's beautiful. Thank you so much."

"Now you'll carry my heart with you all the time. Even when I'm far away." She clutched the necklace harder.

"Is this the "business" you had to take care of earlier?"

"Yep. I wanted this to be a surprise. I wanted it to be special."

"You're so sweet", she said smiling at him.

She loved him. She knew she did. She always had. He gently lifted her hair and put the necklace in place. She looked down at it and she smiled.

Vanessa then leaned in and kissed her husband. The kiss was long and deep. She could feel his hand go to her stomach and she felt tears roll down her cheeks. Tears of happiness. Zac pulled back and wiped the tears gently away with the soft pad of his thumb.

"Happy Birthday, V", Zac said to her. "I love you."

"I love you, too, Zaccy", she said and then they kissed again, under the star-filled sky.

--

REVIEW!!


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Exactly 10 days after Vanessa's birthday, it was Christmas Eve. Zac and Vanessa had decided to have their parents over, instead of them going over to their parent's house. It was Zac and Vanessa's first big bash in their house and they wanted to enjoy it.

On the morning of December 24, Vanessa awoke sleepily. The morning sickness, surprisingly, hadn't erupted that morning. And that made her smile. Her hand rested on her stomach as she waited for Zac to wake up.

"Hey, Ness", he said sleepily when he awoke minutes later.

"Hi", she said happily. She wriggled around in the bed.

"No sickness this morning?"

"Nope", she said, giving her husband a cheeky smile.

Minutes passed and soon the two lovers got up. They jumped in the shower together, something they did often. And when they were done in the shower, they went to get dressed.

For that particular day, Vanessa dressed in wide and flowing black pants; a tight-fitting V-neck red sweater; and black heels. She left her hair down that day, long and curly, flowing down her back. She did her make-up and then put in big sparkling hoops for earrings.

Zac that day wore medium-wash jeans and a black sweater.

"Hey", she said. "We match!"

"That we do, Ness", Zac said kissing his wife. "That we do."

--

Two hours later, Vanessa's parents arrived.

"Hi, Mami", Vanessa said, the Spanish accent thick.

"Salue, Pere", she said in French, kissing her father on the cheek.

"Hey, Stella", she said to her sister. Stella smiled and hugged her sister. Zac smiled as her parents and Stella hugged him, too.

Hours later, the smell of cookies baking wafted into the living room, where Zac and Vanessa were sitting with Stella. Stella was sifting through the piles of baby clothes they already had, from the first time. Vanessa tried hard not to lose it.

It was still hard for her to think, as happy a time as they were in right now, they could only be happier with a baby already there. The baby would've been just a month over one. Her eyes welled up and she quickly wiped them away before her husband could see. She didn't want to ruin the moment.

Too late.

"Ness, you OK?" Zac asked quietly. The soft, sweet tone of his voice made her want to cry. She didn't know how to answer. Should she lie, say no? Should she be truthful, and ruin this happy time they called Christmas?

She felt stupid now, as Stella looked up at her, concerned. She was getting angry at herself. So, Vanessa got up and wandered into the kitchen. She sat down at a stool, enjoying the warm atmosphere and watching her mother bake, when suddenly, it happened.

The nausea came over her suddenly, in a wave and she hated herself for it. She dashed to the hallway bathroom, without knowing that Zac was right behind her. As she retched, she let herself cry. She usually did anyway, but this time she had a reason. She almost screamed when she felt Zac's hands holding her hair. But she only cried harder. God. She had never hated herself so much as she did in that moment. She was such a baby.

When she was done throwing up, she brushed her teeth and rinsed her mouth. Tears were still falling. Zac could tell this wasn't about morning sickness. Not really.

"Baby, what's wrong?" His voice was soft and quiet.

"Please don't say baby", she said as soft as she'd ever said anything.

"Oh, Ness", Zac said, holding his wife close to him. "It's OK."

She knew he was lying. Things were not OK! They never had been after the baby scare. They had drifted along for a while alright, but now the hurt was back. The hurt had always been there, but now it was coming to the surface. And Vanessa hated herself for it. It had been her fault, after all.

She had tried so hard to let herself forget about the "other baby", but she couldn't. She'd tried so hard to convince herself that she'd do it right this time and that there was no need to think about the baby she had lost. But she still did. She always had.

"Zac?" She asked suddenly.

"Yeah, V?"

"Do you—Do you ever think of her?" She saw Zac's expression tense up. She knew he hated to think of the baby as much as she did.

"All the time, sweetie", he said quietly. "Why?"

"I just—I just can't help but think…that I was the one to cause it. I was the one who killed our baby." She ducked her head, so he wouldn't see her cry. Zac looked purely distraught.

"Oh, honey", he said into her curls as he hugged her. "Oh, sweetie no. You didn't. It's not your fault." But she knew that it was.

"Yes it is", Vanessa sobbed quietly, confessing her fears for the first time. "I was making movies. I was going on tour and making albums. I was a horrible mother. I should've slowed down."

"V, no. No matter how many times you think that, you've got to believe me when I say that it isn't true. You did not kill our baby. It just happened."

"Nothing 'just happens', Zac", Vanessa said.

"Sweetie, you've got to know that it wasn't your fault."

"I just want to do it right", she sobbed now. That was her biggest fear. As scared as she still was, she was even more scared of screwing up a second time.

"You will, sweetie", Zac said softly, opening the bathroom door and leading her out of it. "You will."


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

Chapter 9

When Zac and Vanessa went into the hallway again, they were greeted by Zac's mother, Starla.

"Zac", she greeted her son warmly. "How are you doing?"

"Good, Mom", Zac said, glancing at his wife and trying not to be nervous on her behalf. "Good." And then she turned to Vanessa.

"And how are you, sweetie?"

"We're fine", she said quickly and softly. Then she started at the ground. Zac caught his mother looking nervous, too, but decided not to say anything with Vanessa right there. She had been emotional lately and he didn't want to make her sad. Instead, Zac squeezed her hand. She squeezed his half-heatedly back and he knew she was still sad.

"Where's that smile I love, Ness?" Zac asked as soon as they wee in the living room again, with their parents and Stella in the kitchen.

"It's out for the moment", she said.

"Baby, I know you're sad. I know you are. I am too. I just have to figure out a way to let you know that what happened wasn't your fault."

"Oh, so now it's just 'something that happened?'"

"V, you know I didn't mean it like that." He himself didn't know what he meant it as. Certainly not what she thought he meant it as. But, as he'd begun to notice in the past month, Vanessa was emotional. He didn't know if it was hormones or the baby scare that caused it. Maybe both. Probably both.

"Then what did you mean?" She asked, her eyes filling with tears. Just minutes ago, she felt so ashamed of herself for being such a wuss and now, here she was, crying when her husband was trying to help her.

What was _wrong_ with her?

Why was she acting the way she was? Was it hormones? The baby? What? What made her like this? She didn't know, but if she did, she would do something about it. But, since she didn't, she cried instead, like the big baby she was.

After deciding, Vanessa got up and went to the kitchen again. It seemed to be her place of refuge for the day.

"Vanessa, sweetie", Starla said warmly to her again as Zac came in behind her. "How's the baby?"

At that, Vanessa's face crumpled with hurt and she ran from the room. Zac got up, too, feeling like he might break down and cry himself.

"Excuse me", he half-whispered to the group. He couldn't even hear them start to wonder and talk with each other as he left the room. All he cared about, all he'd ever cared about was Vanessa. Always, always Vanessa.

When he got to their room, Vanessa was lying on the bed, holding a cashmere blanket to her face, and crying into it. She lifted her head when she heard Zac enter the room and lay next to her on the bed, tears still falling, but he could see she was trying hard to stop them. He knew she hated feeling so weak. So alone, even when she wasn't. He knew she hated herself. And he knew, although she didn't, that she shouldn't have ever in the first place.

"What's wrong with me?" She asked.

"I don't know, Ness", Zac said, the same way he had when she'd asked him that just after they'd heard the tragic news of the baby. She looked at him in the same sad way, too. "I just don't know." She looked like she might burst into tears all over again, and he knew she was remembering. He hated himself for it. He hated himself for making her sad. He hated himself for making her remember things she didn't want to remember.

He knew she just wanted to forget.

He also knew there was no way she ever would.

And then, all of the sudden, that thought made him so sad, he burst into tears right alongside Vanessa again, and they cried and cried and cried together.

At last, they both sat up on the bed, Zac holding his precious wife against him. Vanessa wiped her eyes and then his, brushing her hand against his check and gently wiping the tears away for him. He'd done that too many times for her, so Vanessa decided to do it for him.

"Thank you", he said to her when she finished, kissing the top of her head.

"Anytime, Zachary", she said.

And then he looked at her head on.

"V…."

"Yes?"

"Van, I know you're sad." He saw her chin start to tremble, and he cupped her face in his big strong hands and kissed her softly. Now was a time to be gentle. "I know you'll never forget about that little life inside of you once. I know that. I just wish I knew how to help you."

"Just love me", she pleaded. "All I need is for you to love me." Looking at her, looking back at him, she was the most beautiful girl in the entire world.

"Now, that", he said, taking her hand and holding it. "I can do." For the first time all day, she smiled a true Vanessa Smile.

"There's that smile I love, Ness", Zac said, helping her off the bed. He kissed her on the forehead one last time, and then they went out to face their family together.

--

**A/N: I hope that chapter was OK. I know the healing process for Vanessa is slow, even with the baby on the way, but that's the way I picture it. **

**REVIEW!! **

**Oh, and I'm going to camp for a week, so I'll be out of commission. I hope to have lots of reviews when I get back! **


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

Chapter 10

After Christmas, Zac and Vanessa relaxed. Well, Zac tried his hardest to get his wife to relax. She'd didn't want to be weak, but she was certainly more careful. She'd in no way screw up the chances for her baby to live this time.

And, speaking of that, there were changes occurring in Vanessa he wasn't used to. One minute, she'd be shouting at him, a bunch of French or Spanish racing off her tongue, and another, she'd be falling apart in his arms, sobbing about a marriage announcement she'd read about in the local paper. And when Zac asked her gently what was wrong, she only replied, "They just look so _happy_ together!" and cried even harder.

They also painted the baby's room. They went out to lunch and dinner and breakfast together. They hung out with their friends. They stayed home and slept. They watched movies and cooked dinner and called their parents every once and a while.

And, they went shopping.

They did this one January day. It was cool out, so Vanessa, being just six months along, put on wide, flowing, long black pants; cream heels; a cream colored cami; and a cream cardigan. Her hair was left down. And, as she was walking down the stairs to go out the door and into the car, something horrible happened. Something that scared her and Zac both more than they had been scared in a long, long time.

She nearly fell down the stairs.

Vanessa was simply walking down the stairs, the same way she always did. But, this time, she had heels on. The stairs were plushy carpeted, and her pants were a bit long. She tripped a little on one of the stairs—which sent her flying in the arm, and, luckily, into the strong arms of her husband.

"Auuugh!" She screamed, louder than Zac, or herself, had ever heard her scream. She was terrified as she was hurled into the air by a single mis-step. Her life flashed before her and she wondered if it was really worth it if she made it or not. She wondered if it was worth living anymore. But, ever since the baby scare, she had thought that. In the end, in those last few seconds before she landed safely into Zac's arms, she decided it was. After all, she loved Zac and this baby more than life and that had to be worth, something, right? She thought so and knew she just had to make it to safety. In the end, she did, but not without being traumatized first.

She was shaking when she landed and Zac was, too.

"Oh, God, Vanessa", Zac breathed into her hair as he held her tight in his arms. "Oh, Dear God." He just needed her to be alright. She just had to be. She didn't say anything for ten whole minutes after Zac did. Her face was deathly pale and when she finally did speak, all that came out where sobs. She sobbed and cried and sobbed and cried. So much had happened in those few seconds. Some many things, she almost couldn't believe it.

"C' Mon, V", Zac said shakily. "Let's, uh, get you to the hospital to make sure everything's alright. OK?"

"No!" She said. "I can't!"

"Why not?"

"What if…What if….What if…something is wrong? What if I screwed up again and ruined everything?"

"V, listen—

"What if….she's dead? What if…I killed another baby? Oh, God, what if?" She was shaking and crying and unable to control herself. What was happening to her?

Zac knew she was getting hysterical. That's exactly why he needed to bring her back down to earth. He had to let her know she was safe.

"V", Zac said. "Sweetie. You're safe now, alright? I've got you and you're safe." She clutched him even harder. "I'm going to bring you to the hospital now, alright? We just need to make sure she's alright. I'll be with you the whole time."

"You promise?" She barely breathed.

"I promise", Zac said, kissing her forehead. And with that, he hoisted her in his arms some more and carried her out into the car, headed for the hospital.

--

When they got there a few minutes later, the couple met with their doctor, Dr. Johnstone.

"I'm afraid she's a bit hysterical", Zac said, as he finished telling the horrible tale that had only lasted seconds, and then he gently laid his wife down on the ultrasound table, then held tightly to her hand. He had let go of her only to drive. He had picked her up and carried her inside the hospital, so she knew she was as safe as ever. He knew she normally wouldn't need to be so babied or so protected, but he knew she had to be now. "It was quite a scare for both of us."

"I bet it was", Dr. Johnstone said and she geared up the machine and got out the gel. She rubbed it on Vanessa's stomach and Zac could feel her shiver. "Let's see what we've got here….and there she is. Still safe and as good as last time."

"Oh, Thank Goodness" Zac said. "I don't know what we would've done if…." He didn't finish his sentence. He didn't think he could.

"Your next sonogram will be in about a month", the doctor told Zac as he held Vanessa in his arms. "We'll call to remind you."

"Sounds good", Zac said, and then he carried his wife out to the car again, feeling more blessed and grateful than he had in a long, long time.

He only hoped now that Vanessa would recover and that their lives would go on, just as they had planned they would.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

The phone was ringing.

Zac sighed and didn't go get it. After three entire days of phone calls, he was sick of them. Just plain sick of them. Plus, they were giving him a headache. If that was what he was feeling, he couldn't imagine what it must be like to be Vanessa.

Oh, if only he knew what she hadn't been telling him ever since the baby scare. Then he'd _really_ know what it was like to be her.

He was sitting on the couch next to Vanessa, who was dozing. She had fallen off a while ago, while they were watching TV. The TV was still on now, but it might as well as been off. Zac wasn't watching it. He was too busy watching Vanessa sleep.

So, three days of phone calls. Three whole days of them.

They had mostly been from the press, asking about Vanessa, after the Paps had gotten a shot of Zac carrying Vanessa to the car, a frantic look on his face. Zac cursed the man day and night for taking that picture. If had hadn't, he and Vanessa would be living life like normal and Vanessa would be moving and recovering normally, too. But she wasn't, thanks to the press. Instead, she slept and slept and slept. And when she woke up, she talked to Zac, cried a little, ate a little, then went back to sleep, feeling more guilty and miserable than ever and a lot worse than anyone knew.

The worst call had been from People.

The interviewer had called two days ago, asking for an interview with Vanessa.

"Are you crazy?" Zac shouted into the phone. "Are you? My wife has been traumatized! Traumatized! Why in the _world _would you even _think _of asking for an interview? Well, here, I'll save you the trouble: No, Vanessa would not like an interview! She would not!" He shouted and then he slammed the phone down.

Apparently, the shouting had awoken Vanessa. When Zac saw her, sitting up slightly on the couch on which she'd lay for the past few days, refusing to be bed ridden like some old sick person, with her hair having fallen out of it's bun and now was slipping down her shoulders, with her brown eyes looking so worriedly at him, he felt like crying. Instead, he'd walked over to her, wrapped his arms around her gently, and kissed her. And he stayed holding her like that until she had fallen asleep again.

Now, there was someone talking, Zac realized then.

It was Vanessa's mother, Gina, leaving a message because Zac had not wanted to pick up the phone.

"Zac, Vanessa, I was just calling to let you both know we're coming over. We just need to see how Vanessa is doing. We saw an article in People, and we wanted to check on her anyway. We'll be there in about 5 minutes."

Zac groaned. Not because her parents were coming over, but because of _why_ they were. Because of a stupid rumor. Because of a stupid picture. He turned again to look at Vanessa, still sleeping. Zac thought she looked beautiful, wearing a black Juicy velour sweat suit, the hoodie straining against her six-month bump, her hair down and sprayed all over the pillow where she slept.

"Oh, Ness", Zac whispered to the quietness of the room. "I just want you to be alright."

"I do, too", Gina whispered, kneeling beside Zac and surprising him. He looked up to see Greg and Stella standing there, too.

"We all do", Greg whispered, kneeling next to his wife and kissing Vanessa's head gently.

"Would you like something to drink?" Zac asked, standing up. He needed something to break the awkwardness. Something. Anything.

"That would be lovely" Gina said. "I'll come with you." So, the three of them followed Zac into the kitchen.

"My parents stopped by yesterday", he told them. "They were just as worried as you guys are. They saw that same article, which is just a bunch of lies by the way, and rushed right over." He finished pouring the sparkling juice—since Vanessa wasn't allowed to drink wine, it was all they had. And then he said, "I'd better check on Vanessa." He really just couldn't stand to be away from her.

And when he entered the living room again, she was waking up.

"Hey, Ness", Zac said softly, sitting next to her on the couch. "How are you feeling?"

"Tired", she said, "even though all I do is sleep. I'm sorry, Zaccy."

"There is nothing to be sorry for, sweetie. You just sleep."

"I saw my parents' car in the driveway", Vanessa said, changing the subject. "Are they here?"

"Yep", Zac said. And on cue, all three of them came into the living room. "They came to see you."

"I'm afraid I won't be much company", Vanessa said, hating herself and the entire situation as she said it. She forced a small smile and got up to hug her parents.

Unfortunately, she didn't have to. Her mother came to her instead.

Gina had seen the forced smile. She knew Vanessa better than Vanessa herself. Not as well as Zac, but close. And so, Gina pulled her daughter aside when they had a moment, a few hours later.

"What's all this about, Mami?" Vanessa said, stifling a yawn as her mother closed the door to her and Zac's neatly made room.

"It's about you, sweetie", Gina said, sitting Vanessa down on the edge of the bed.

"What about me?"

"Vanessa, would you say Zac knows you better than anyone?"

"Yes. Mami, you know that. Why are you even asking?"

"Because, Vanessa, apparently, you don't know that."

"What in the world are you talking about?" Vanessa stood up now. So did Gina.

"Vanessa, you just told me that Zac knows you better than anyone else, anyone else in the whole world, and here you are, keeping secrets from him."

_What secrets? _Vanessa thought frantically. _Does she know? How in the world could she? _Vanessa wanted to cry. Here she was trying so hard to put up a good front, had been for months and months, and now she knew that it hadn't worked a bit in the first place.

Gina knew she shouldn't be pushing her daughter, especially in her fragile condition, but she just had to. She couldn't bear Zac now knowing something he should. She had only found out in subtle ways. The way Vanessa looked at mothers with their newborn babies, the way Vanessa looked when she shopped for baby stuff. The way she looked at Zac. The way she never talked about the "other one."

"I know, Vanessa", Gina said. "Zac deserves to know, too."

The tears slipped into Vanessa's eyes at the very thought of telling Zac what she was really feeling. She already kind of had during Christmas, but that wasn't even the half of it. She knew she had to tell, but that didn't mean she wanted to. And so, Vanessa walked as quickly as she could out the door, let out a sob, and fell to her knees. Gina saw this. She felt sorry for saying what she had. She still meant it, but she felt sorry for the consequences it had. She rushed over to her daughter, just as Greg, Stella, and Zac did.

"V, what's wrong?" Zac said worriedly. Gina tried to get close to her daughter, but Vanessa fought her off. She wanted to fight everything that was bad in her life right then. She fought off Zac, too, until she finally collapsed into Greg's arms after fighting him off, too, sobbing and sobbing.

It wasn't just the fear of telling Zac the truth, it was all of it: The baby scare, the new one on the way and the fear of screwing up again, everything. Just everything.

Stella hugged her mother and she cried, too. She hated seeing her sister like this. Everyone did. Vanessa put her hands on her cheeks, pushing her hair back while some tears still fell. And at last when she finished, still crying a little, Gina and Zac helped her up and to the couch.

Zac felt sadness well up in his throat and behind his eyes. He felt sad for Vanessa, for the condition she was in. He felt sad for the way she was right then, sobbing and broken, and he not being able to fix it. He felt like he had never been able to fix anything. He felt like a loser, like a passerby, just watching, not partaking. He felt sad and confused and angry. And as he watched Vanessa as she leaned against her mother and as her mother stroked her hair gently, letting her fall asleep, exhausted and still crying, he felt the saddest he'd ever felt in his whole life and so, he put his head in his hands, and cried.

---------

**A/N: Hey, guys. I know Zac's crying a lot. I know it's not manly or masculine and I don't like it very much, but for this chapter, the ending of it, if fit the best. **

**In case you didn't get it, Vanessa broke down there, right on the floor. That was what all the fighting and sobbing was about. **

**Oh, and don't think Gina, Vanessa's mother, is totally cold-hearted, pushing her daughter to tell her husband she doesn't want to in such a fragile condition. She just wants what's best for Vanessa. They all do. **

**REVIEW!!!**


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

Vanessa awoke.

She looked around. She saw now that she was back in bed—Zac must've carried her. She looked at the clock on the bedside table: 2:00 AM. Geez. At this hour of the night, she _had_ to wake up. Couldn't have it been six or seven or at least five? Or maybe, better yet, how about eight o'clock, like normal people?

For the past few days, Vanessa had been in sleep-like daze, a weird kind of transaction after that horrible fright of nearly falling down the stairs. She didn't know why she was sleeping so much. She suspected that maybe her body needed time to catch up. She was tired normally anyway with the baby coming, maybe now she was just extra tired. Just extra tired. Just extra tired and that's all.

But she knew it wasn't.

She knew deep in her heart that she really was feeling miserable and guilty and angry and sad, all at the same time. She knew stressing like this with the baby on the way wasn't the right thing to do, but else was there for her to do? Deal with her feelings? Sure. Grieve? Sure. Get everything out in the open? Even better. She knew she could and had to do all those things, Vanessa just didn't want to.

Vanessa had already kind of lost it the night before, breaking down on her living room floor in front of Zac and her mom and everyone. She mentally kicked herself for that. How could she have been so stupid? How? The two things that scared her the most were: finally accepting the pain and dealing with it, because it really, really hurt a lot, and the fear of screwing it all up a second time. She had already done one of those things, so that was blown. She just had to make sure she didn't do the other one, too.

"Zaccy?" Vanessa whispered into the darkness. "Zac?" But, Zac stayed asleep. She guessed he was just as tired as she was; only she wasn't as tired anymore. In fact, she was wide awake. Vanessa sighed.

All she wanted now was to be able to move on. But, she knew she couldn't do that unless she faced everything. And that would mean a lot of pain on both her and Zac's part, but it would be worth it if it meant she could start over again. She just had to do it. And so, she would. She really, really would.

------

"Hey there, sleepyhead", Vanessa said playfully the next morning as the sun streamed through the bedroom windows.

"Hey, V", Zac said sleepily. "Boy, aren't you chipper this morning?"

"I am. I woke up in the middle of the night while a certain husband of mine was still asleep, snoring away."

"I do not snore", Zac said.

"Oh, I think you do", Vanessa said teasingly.

"Oh, you do, huh?"

"Yeah. I really, really do."

"Well, in that case, I think someone should get a little tickle-torture to think about what you've said, young lady."

"You think?"

"Oh, you know it", Zac said playfully. And then he hit Vanessa's head with a pillow and a tame, but fun, pillow fight was born.

It was so fun and free to feel this good and free, Vanessa was beginning to regret her late-night decision to get everything out in the open to Zac. This felt so right, not feeling sad. Why couldn't she just stay like this? Oh, Right. Because she knew she needed to tell Zac everything she was feeling and she knew she had to tell him today.

------

**A/N: Hi, guys! I know this was a short chapter, a filler. I just wanted to get the fact across that Vanessa now knows to tell Zac. She knows she has to. She always has known, but now she decided to. She knows that it's important to the health of herself and the baby to not stress, and to not stress, she has to tell Zac what she's feeling, grieve, and move on. Let's hope she can do it! **

**REVIEW!!!! **


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

"Zac?" Vanessa was so nervous she was shaking.

"Yeah, V? What is it?" He was so easily worried these days! He hated himself for it and felt sad for some reason he couldn't explain. Zac got up from where he was sitting on the couch, flipping through a magazine but not really reading it. He was too busy thinking about Vanessa. She was all he ever thought about.

"I—I just need to tell you something." She was nervous. Her voice shook and wobbled and fell all over the place. She was shaking on the inside and her heart beat crazily.

"OK", Zac said. He knew what was coming. It was something he'd been hoping for a long, long time. He remembered then talking to Gina just the other night about it.

_Flashback: _

_The night after Vanessa's break down, Zac was sitting on the couch while she slept. His mind was going as fast as lightning, thinking about all that had happened and how, maybe, he could've done some things to prevent all those things. But he hadn't, and so, there they were. Sitting on a couch, stuck. _

_Just then, the phone rang and Zac was glad for the distraction. _

"_Hello, Efron residence", he said. _

"_Hi, Zac", Gina said. "How is she?" _

"_Still sleeping." He sighed._

"_Good", Gina said. "She needs it." _

"_I know she does. With all that's been going on lately….sleeping is the only way I think she knows to get her mind off it, besides just being tired in the first place." _

"_I thought that, too", Gina said then. "I just wish…." _

"_You just wish what?"_

"_I just wish….she didn't have anything to avoid." _

"_I know what you mean. I just wish she'd tell me once and for all what's the matter." _

"_You mean you know?" Gina sounded genuinely surprised. _

"_Of course I know. I've known something was wrong since the baby scare last year, and then soon after it happened, I figured out how guilty and angry and saddened she was by the whole thing, just by the way she looked at things, looked at me, viewed everything and saw everything. I just was waiting for Ness to come out and say it instead of me having to pry it out of her." _

"_That's what I've been waiting for, too, Zac", Gina said, sighing. "I just wish it hadn't ended up like this." _

"_Me, too", Zac had said. "Me too." _

_End Flashback _

Instead of throwing his arms around his wife and shouting to the world how happy he was that she finally had enough courage to tell what she was really feeling, he gently took her hand and she sat down on the couch next to him.

"So", he said. "What's up?"

"I—I just….I just….I need you to know…." Her sentence trailed off. Arg. Couldn't she ever get anything right?

"You just need me to know what?" He pressed on gently.

"I just need you to know….how s-scared I am." Her eyes filled with tears and so did her voice.

"What is it you're scared of, sweetie?" Zac said in a soft voice, still holding onto to Vanessa's hand as tight as ever. The tears started to roll down her cheeks.

"I—I'm scared of screwing up again", she said, through sobs. "I'm scared of forgetting her, just passing her by like she's nothing. I'm scared of forgetting. I don't think I know how."

"I know, V", Zac said. "I know." He didn't know what else to say. At a time where words were needed, he was at a loss for them.

"No, you _don't_!" Vanessa exclaimed angrily, standing up. "No one does! No one!" The tears came faster and faster. She was shaking. She had calmed down enough to stop; now she fired up again to start. "I feel so empty. So…hollow. Like….I let myself and the world down by losing her."

The entire world fell away when she said that. There was no more noise, only silence. She didn't think she could bare it. He had to say something. He _had_ to. And when he didn't, she pounced.

"Say something!" She practically screamed at him. "Just something! Anything!" He just sat there, waiting. He knew what was coming. This, unfortunately, was the hardest part of the grieving process to watch. "You never say anything! Not ever! No one does! They all go around pretending it didn't happen, like it's something I can forget! And I know in my heart", Vanessa said, her voice quieting, "that I most certainly cannot forget it. I just can't. I just can't."

Then, all of the sudden, Vanessa sat back down, put her head in her hands, and cried.

"Baby, oh, baby", Zac softly said as he wrapped his arms around his wife and held her. He rocked her gently, and during the time she cried, she didn't have to use words. There was nothing left to say.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

The next morning, Zac had to get up early. Earlier than usual. Earlier than he and Vanessa liked. He had to get up to go to work. To meet with his agent, actually. It was to discuss something Zac didn't know about just yet. But he was willing to find out. Hopefully, it'd be about a new film he could do after the baby was born, and that Vanessa and the baby could come along. They'd hang by themselves for the day and then meet at night. Zac could already see it. He just had to have hope that it would happen.

"Bye, Ness", Zac said to his wife that morning.

"Bye, Zaccy", Vanessa said sleepily.

"You're sure you'll be alright without me?"

"Yes", Vanessa said, smiling up at her husband. "I'll be fine."

"I don't know how long I'll be gone."

"I'll be OK. And, besides, if anything happens, which it won't, but if it will, Ash is right across the street and I can always call my parents. Trust me, Zaccy, I'll be fine. I promise."

"You're sure?"

"I'm sure. Now, get going. You don't want to be late."

"OK", he said finally. "I'll let you sleep." He got up from where he had been sitting on the bed next to Vanessa. Grabbed her hand, kissed it. "I love you, Ness."

"I love you, too, Zaccy", she said and then Vanessa curled up, and went back to sleep while Zac went out the door to his car.

-----

"Hi, Zac", Mark Reynolds said, inviting Zac to sit down in one of the chairs that sat in front of his desk. "How are you?"

"I'm well", Zac said, sitting down. "And you?"

"I'm well", Mark said. "Now, let's get down to business."

"Let's", Zac said. "Any new films for me?"

"Well, there are a few I'm thinking about, but are not confirmed, so I am not prohibited to tell you of those. I do, however, have a conference in New York that I would like you to attend. It's three weeks long and—

"Oh, no, Mark, I can't be gone that long. Vanessa…with everything that's happened, she needs me more than ever right now."

"Zac, I think this conference would be really good for you. You'd get to meet some directors, learn more about film, and—

"Mark, I'm sorry but I cannot commit to this."

"Zac…"

"I can't."

Mark thought about the situation for a while.

"Zac, you have to. I'll try to pull some strings to get you home a few days early, but I'm not guaranteeing anything."

"Well", Zac said finally. "I guess that's alright. Now I just have to head home and break the news to Vanessa."

"Thanks for being such a good sport. I hope we can work something out and I'll try my hardest for you, OK?"

"OK", Zac said, smiling a small smile for his agent's understanding. "Thanks."

"You're welcome, Zac", Mark said. "Now get on home."

"I'll do that", Zac said. "Thanks again."

While Zac was driving home, only one thought entered his brain:

_How in the_ world _am I going to tell her_?


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

Zac arrived home to see Vanessa smiling and singing to herself while flipping through a baby catalog. She was glowing.

"Well, aren't you bubbly this morning?" Zac said, coming from the entry way into the living room where she sat on the couch, wearing a pair of soft navy Bermuda shorts from Victoria Secret; a C&C pure white tank; and one of Zac's white button-down Brooks' Brothers shirts. Her hair was up in a bun and she wore no make-up, no shoes, and only tiny rhinestone studs for earrings.

"I am", she said, smiling at Zac and standing up to kiss him in greeting. As she stood close to him, kissing him, Zac could feel the baby's light butterfly kick between them. It should've made him happy, but it only made Zac think of yet another life he was going to disappoint.

Vanessa, on the other hand, felt freer than she ever had since the baby scare. It wasn't a sense of moving on with her life, forgetting, it was more of finally being able to accept what happened. It wasn't like she was healed completely, because she had a ways to go, but she was indeed better. She didn't feel nearly so guilty. She didn't hurt so badly. She now knew that it wasn't her fault, that it just happened sometimes. And even thought she didn't like living with answers she couldn't change, Vanessa had been able to accept that, too. She felt like she could take over the world. She felt like flying.

"So", Vanessa said, leading Zac into the kitchen for lunch, "what did Mark say?" Zac's insides churned as he looked at her hopeful, expectant face.

"Well, Ness", Zac started. And then the phone rang. Zac, grateful for the distraction, looked at his phone to see that the caller was Mark Yes, Zac thought excitedly to himself. This was his chance! Maybe things wouldn't be so bad after all.

"Hello?"

"Zac, hi", Mark said seriously, and Zac knew the news couldn't be good. "I'm sorry, but no strings could be pulled. I tried and tried, I honestly did. I'm so sorry."

"That's alright", Zac said, trying not to sound as glum as he felt. "Thanks, Mark."

"Tell her I'm sorry, OK?"

"OK. I will. Bye."

Zac snapped his phone shut and looked over at Vanessa. And doing that made him want to cry. He hated to ever disappoint her or make her sad, especially on purpose, and that was just what he was about to do.

"So, who was that?" Vanessa said, still all bubbly and happy.

"That...That was, uh, Mark."

"Well, what did he say?"

"I don't think I can tell you."

"I think you can. Just tell me what he said!"

"No, Ness, I really don't think I can."

"Yes, you can! It can't be that bad, can it?"

"Actually, Ness, it can", Zac said and Vanessa's expression turned grave. "See, I'm scheduled for this conference. It's in New York, for three weeks and—

"Three weeks? New York? Are you kidding me?"

"No, Ness", Zac said. "I wish I was, believe me, but I'm not."

And with that, Vanessa stalked out of the kitchen, trying not to lose it.

----------

A few hours later after dinner, Zac found Vanessa sitting on the couch, flipping through the same catalog she had before, only now with a lot less determination. She was skipping pages at a time and at one point, she threw down the catalog with a frustrated sigh.

"Hey", he said softly, sitting next to his wife.

"Hi", she said softly back.

"You look tired", he said. "What do you say we head up to bed?"

"No", she said.

"C'mon, Ness", Zac said. "You look exhausted."

"No", she said again.

"Please", he said. "I hate seeing you suffer."

"Fine", she reluctantly said. And when she stood up and tried to walk to the stairs, the whole world swayed. She clung to Zac, feeling scared. _What was happening_?

"Ness, it's OK", Zac said, holding tight to her as she began to shake. "I've got you. You're safe."

Her legs felt like big blocks of cement that were impossible to move. Her head swam and she couldn't think.

"Ness", Zac said again, scooping her up gently into his big strong arms. "Ness, you're alright. I've got you. I won't let you go."

She snuggled into his arms as he carried her up the stairs. And when they arrived in the bedroom, Zac laid her gently down in the bed, tucked her in, and crawled into the bed next to her. Usually, she wouldn't have to be so babied or taken care of. Usually, she would tuck her own self in. Usually, she'd walk on her own up the stairs. Usually, she wouldn't be dizzy. But, right now wasn't the usual. It was something different and scary, yet beautiful and lovely at the same time.

--------------

The next morning, Zac stayed right by Vanessa. And Vanessa didn't mind one bit. She stayed close to him, too. In bed. In the shower. At breakfast. Anywhere he went, she went, too.

A few hours later, in early afternoon, Zac and Vanessa were sitting in the living room, looking through baby catalogs, both in books and on their laptop. The TV was on low volume to a music station.

"How 'bout Olivia?" Zac asked.

"Hmm", Vanessa said. "Zac, Vanessa, and Olivia. Nah."

They searched in silence for a while.

"Hey, here's one", Zac said again. "What about Emma?"

"Zac, Vanessa, and Emma", Vanessa said, thinking aloud. "Hmm. I like that one. We'll keep it in the running." Zac then jotted Emma down on the list of possible baby names.

"Zaccy, what do you think of Faith?"

"Hmm", he said. "Well, I like that it's something spiritual. Like hope or joy, you know? I like that about it, but I'm not sure Faith is the name we're looking at."

She smiled. He was so sweet.

"Hey!" She exclaimed. "How about Grace?"

"Van, that's perfect!"

"We can name her Grace…Hmm. Grace what?"  
"Well, my mother's middle name is Abigail", Zac suggested.

"Grace Abigail Efron", Vanessa said. And then she turned to Zac.

"It's perfect", Zac said softly, kissing her head.

"Yeah", she said. "It really is."


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

Vanessa tried hard to hold back a tear as she and Zac drove to the airport on a late January day. She was trying as hard as she possibly could to not show how upset she was. She knew it would only make Zac feel more guilty and sad than he already was, and that was not an option. They had enough sadness between them to fill the ocean, practically.

For the last day and a half she had watched Zac pack for three weeks' time and it made her heart hurt to watch, so she didn't when she didn't have to. They also hadn't actually talked about the conference. She knew if none of the baby-drama had happened, Zac would be all jazzed up and Vanessa would be, too. Zac looked forward to any opportunity to further his career in acting, and Vanessa was always there to support him.

Now, though, things were different.

Vanessa folded her arms around her six-month bump. In just one week, she'd be into month seven. She was scheduled to have an appointment while Zac was away and either Ashley or her mom was going to go along for it. Then, she sighed. Although the sun was shining as it always did in Los Angeles, Vanessa felt…well, she didn't feel like having the sun shine, that's for sure. She didn't know what she felt. Or what she wanted. Well, scratch that. She knew what she felt: Sad because her husband was leaving her for three weeks and would be all the way across the country and she would be here in LA, stuck with everything that had happened and without Zac to comfort her. And she also knew what she wanted: Zac back with her and for none of that baby-drama to have ever happened. Then, she'd be completely, completely happy. But she was not and she could hardly stop herself from hating herself for all the horrible things that had happened to her. She knew she was acting stupid and weak and like a baby, but…well, whatever.

Life was so unfair!

No one knew than better, I believe, than Zac Efron. He could hardly make himself take the wheel. He could hardly make himself drive to the airport. He was, in fact, fighting the urge to drive straight back home and give Vanessa everything and anything she needed. And, now, the one thing that she needed, she wasn't going to have. And that made him sadder than anything. He hated, hated, hated to be away from her. He really did.

And also, he hated the conference that made all this happen in the first place.

_Flashback _

_A few days after Zac had gone to see his agent, Mark called Zac. _

_"Zac, hey", he said into the phone. "I just wanted to give you some info on the conference." _

The conference, _Zac thought to himself._ Yeah, the thing that made my own wife hate me.

_"OK", Zac said, and Mark continued. _

_"Well, the conference isn't for three weeks, so you'll still have plenty of time with Ness before you leave." _But not nearly enough_, Zac thought sadly. _

_Zac knew how unsure Vanessa was of everything right now. He knew it'd be nearly impossible to say good-bye to her at the airport. He knew she'd try not to cry, try really hard to be brave. He thought it was the saddest thing in the world to have Vanessa going through what she was. It was also the saddest thing that he wasn't going to be here while it happened. _

_End Flashback _

Once they'd reached LAX, Zac got out and then went around to help Vanessa, even though she had gotten out herself anyway. Then, Gina and Ashley pulled up in the cars behind them. Ashley jumped out and went over to Vanessa, hugged her. Vanessa let herself sag into her best friend's body, but, by no means, would she let herself cry. She would not. Would _not_. Zac tried hard not to see the devastation in front of him and got his bags instead.

Then, Zac carried his bags and held onto Vanessa's hand at the same time. Ashley and Gina walked behind them. Zac went through security and the Paps snapped pictures. Luckily, Vanessa managed to put up a good front and didn't show any emotion. She knew she was expected to smile and laugh, but hey, it was better than breaking down in front of everyone, right?

And at last, the dreaded moment had come.

After an hour wait, Zac's plane was called. Vanessa wasn't sure if she could bear it.

"We'll just be over here if you need us", Ashley said, referencing to herself and Gina.

When they had gone, Zac turned to Vanessa. She was breaking now. She could feel it. The tears were coming down her cheeks, though she tried hard to stop them.

"I'm sorry", she said tearfully.

"Oh, Baby", Zac said. "Please don't be sorry."

"I just want you to be here, with me."

"Oh, honey, me too", Zac said. "Me too."

"I want to never have to bear this hurt ever again."

"Believe me, Ness, I want that, too. More than anything." Zac then held her close, and she felt more tears come. She was such a baby.

"I love you, Zaccy", Vanessa said softly, feeling soft tears make their way down her cheeks. Just then, Zac's plane was announced and Vanessa felt more tears come. Zac hugged her tight and she didn't want to let go. She felt more and more tears come. She buried her face in his shoulder and finally let herself cry. Gina had to come over and tear the two apart. And when she did, in a gentle way, of course, Zac lowered his head and kissed Vanessa's bump lovingly and then kissed her with as much as passion as he had. So what if he was in public? He then picked up his bags and said, "Take good care of her, Ash."

"Oh, I will, Zac", Ashley said, hugging him herself. "Ness will be perfectly fine." Vanessa felt Ashley's one arm come around her shoulder.

"OK." Zac started toward the gate. "I'll call you tonight, Ness, OK?" He desperately needed to know she was at least a little bit OK. He could hardly hear her answer, it was so soft. Ashley and Gina blew kisses to him and Vanessa looked up at him, with her tear-streaked face, and barely managed to smile.

**A.N: Hey, guys! I've had writer's block terribly. I didn't want to write bad stuff, though. I wanted to wait until I had a really good idea. And now I finally do again! I tried to make that chapter as dramatic as possible, so I hoped you all liked it. Oh, and back in chapter 11, when I said something about Vanessa having wine, I screwed up. Vanessa would be under-age if she did that, and besides, in this story, in all my stories, the people WILL NOT: drink, do drugs, smoke, or swear. So, sorry about that, and oh, I think I got Vanessa's months mixed up. I know for sure the baby will be born on Late-May to Early June, and I know for sure that she is in her sixth, almost seventh, month right now. I'm not going to try and figure anything else out, OK? Enjoy the chapter! And REVIEW!!!!! **


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

Disclaimer's Note: I do not own anything of High School Musical or its characters.

**A/N: Hey, guys! I hope you liked that chapter. And, I've received a review from SkyeGavin that concerns me greatly. Concerning that review, I'd like to know what I can do to clear that up because it's really freaking me out. I don't want to get deleted! I really don't! So, SkyeGavin, if you read this chapter, give me a review on how to fix this, OK? REVIEW!!!!! **

While Zac was 3, 500 feet above the ground, Vanessa was planted firmly on the earth, even though she felt like she might over at any possible second from grief. She may have stupid and she may have been wrong to be so torn up over something like a conference, but she was. At least she wasn't denying it, right?

Vanessa was advised by the doctor to not drive, but she did anyway. She was silent on the way home; she didn't cry, she didn't say or do anything. She was mute.

That night, after she had eaten and watched TV and sulked a little more and was already in bed, her phone rang. She picked up the Blackberry Curve from the nightstand and the harsh glow made her eyes tear up. It was Zac. Even at twelve-thirty in the morning, she was so happy to have him close to her again.

"Hey", he said. "I know I woke you and the baby up, but I just had to call, see how you're doing. We just got in at the hotel."

"I'm OK", she said. "We're both OK."

"V…"

"Zac, really, it's OK."

He knew it really wasn't. He knew she was trying to be brave and he was proud of her for that, he really was. But he couldn't help but feel like she wasn't telling him the whole truth. And that was because she wasn't. If she were telling him the truth, she would've cried and cried and told him how already, not even a day into it, that she missed him more than she had ever missed anybody and how much she loved him.

"So you're really…OK?" He didn't want to push her to tell him how she was really feeling. He knew she was tired and hurting and he didn't want to add to that. He only wanted to be a good thing for her. For her and for the baby.

"Yeah", she said softly, even though she wasn't. "I'm OK."

Zac sighed at her resistance, but said, "I'm proud of you, you know?"

"Yeah", she said smiling a little to herself through the darkness of her room. "I know. Thanks for that."

"No need to thank me. I'll call you tomorrow, alright? I love you, Van."

"Love you too, Zaccy. Good-night."

And then she hung up the phone, feeling too full with feeling. She put the phone back on the nightstand, curled up into a ball, and burst into tears.

The next morning, dressed in black skinny jeans by J Brand; a C&C California pure white tank and long teal cardigan paired with silver peep-toed heels by Jimmy Choo, Vanessa sat in the passenger seat of Ashley's silver Range Rover. They were going for their weekly manicure and then to get their morning coffee from Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf. And while she sat in the passenger seat of Ashley's Range Rover, Vanessa sighed again. It seemed now that she sighed every two minutes. It was getting kind of annoying. Ashley looked over at her and smiled a half smile. Vanessa returned the favor with a half smile, too.

"I'm really OK", she said.

"Oh, we'll see about that", Ashley said. She knew as well as anyone that Vanessa wasn't herself. Then she pulled up to the manicure place.

"Need help, Van?"

"Nope", Vanessa said. "I got it." She hopped out of the car and grabbed her white Balenciaga bag. She followed Ashley around the car and into the building while the Paps snapped picture after picture. Once inside, Vanessa took off her Ray Bans and slipped them into her bag. Then the two were ushered back and sat at stations next to each other. When they were told they could pick a color, both Vanessa and Ashley picked the classic French Manicure.

When their manicures were finished, Vanessa and Ashley headed back outside, to find the Paps waiting for them. Even though she expected them to be there, in some ways she didn't. They were getting awful close to her and Vanessa couldn't help but feel the tiniest bit violated, even though she knew they were only there to take her picture. At this point, Zac would politely tell the Paps to back off, and Vanessa was glad when Ashley stepped up.

"Hey", she said. "Back up a little, guys, OK? You're getting a little too close." The Paps were silent, but the herd moved back. Vanessa found it funny that the whole thing was such a process for them.

Then they got in the car and drove to Coffee Bean. The Paps followed them there, too, and were waiting for them when they got back outside. Then, they headed back to Vanessa's house to chill out. _It feels so empty without him_, Vanessa wanted to say the second she stepped through the door, but she didn't. She couldn't. If she did, she was afraid she'd start crying and not be able to make herself stop. For lunch, the girls ordered in from Mo's and laid around, watching TV for a while. At four o'clock, when nothing good is ever on TV, Ashley said, "So, did Zac finish the Baby Room yet?"

"Yep. I forgot you haven't seen it yet. It's really cute. C'mon, I'll show you." Vanessa eased herself off of the couch and Ashley helped her up a little. They went down the hall, to the room right next to Zac and Vanessa's.

"Oh", Ashley said as she stepped into the room. "I've never seen anything so beautiful, Ness."

"You like it?"

"It's perfect."

The room was huge and the walls were done in the color they had chosen, Pearl Pink. The crib was in the middle of the room, with soft pink lining and white blankets draping the railing, with a soft teddy bear in the right corner, along with a soft pillow and more blankets. There was also a rocking chair with a lamp overhead for reading books. There was a changing table and dresser and closet. There was a huge section of windows on the opposite wall, so when you stood in the doorway, you'd be able to see the windows. They went all the way to the ceiling from the floor. For the entire room, think the "Baby Suite" from Father of the Bride Two.

"This is the perfect room for you and Zac's baby, Van", Ashley said. At the mention of Zac's name, tears pricked at the corners of her eyes. She did not want to cry.

"Zac did it all by himself, as an early birthday surprise", Vanessa said, desperate to say something.

"He really did a great job." After Ashley said that, she paused before she spoke again. "He really loves you, you know?"

"Yeah", Vanessa said. "I know."


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

**A/N: Hey again, guys! I am on an updating roll, I tell you. Thanks to all the wonderful reviews I got, I wanted more than ever to write another chapter. I have some really great ideas and I now know exactly where I want this story to go. Anyway, enjoy this chapter! And REVIEW!!!! **

Over the next few days, Vanessa and Ashley hung out together. They got coffee and had lunch together; they went shopping together and they braved the Paps together. They were best friends, after all.

They even _baked_ together.

It had been a rainy day and they hadn't anything to do. So, they had gone over to Vanessa's parent's house and they ended up making chocolate chip cookies; banana bread; and even a cake.

"How are you feeling, sweetie?" Gina had asked the minute Vanessa had gotten through the door.

"I'm OK", was all she said. Gina gave a sympathetic look and a motherly squeeze and then ushered her into the kitchen. "How 'bout we bake?", she said. "You always liked doing that when you were sad as a little girl." Vanessa could feel Ashley's laughing eyes on her.

"It's true", she said and laughed a little at the memory. "Before I got famous, I would bake whenever I felt sad. I just haven't had any time…with the baby and all." The way she said "baby" brought everything back, but she shoved it away and put on a smile. "So", she said. "Are we going to bake or what?"

It was now four days into the three week period, a day after they went to the Hudgens House to bake. Vanessa and Ashley were both in the Range Rover, pulled up out in front of Vanessa's parent's house, yet again. "You can just drop me off at my parent's house", Vanessa had said, and so, that's what Ashley did. And as they did, Ashley's own Blackberry Curve started to ring.

"It's Zac", she mouthed to Vanessa and Vanessa reached for the phone until Ashley said, "He'll talk to you tonight. He promises. You can go inside, Ness. It's OK. You need help?"

"Nope", she said. "Are you sure everything's OK?"

"Promise, Ness. We'd never keep anything from you. We aren't. I promise."

"Well…OK. Just tell him I love him, OK?" She was suspicious, but Vanessa decided not to pry.

"I will", Ashley said, and with that, Vanessa finally got out of the car and walked up to her parent's porch. With Vanessa gone, Zac said into the phone, "I just didn't want us to hear her talking about her like some old sick person. That would upset her."

"Yeah", Ashley said, watching Vanessa step inside the house and then the door closing after that. "I agree. I just hope she believed me when I told her we weren't keeping anything from her."

"Yeah", Zac said softly. "Me too. So, speaking of Ness, how is she, anyway?"

"She's…good. Well, she's OK. She's managing, but you could tell just by looking at her that she isn't herself. She won't be until you get back home."

"I miss her, too. More than I've ever missed anyone. I tried to get her to tell me what she really feeling the night that I left, but she won't budge."

"I think that's because she doesn't want to admit how upset she is over everything."

"Right", Zac said, agreeing with Ashley. "She doesn't want to be considered weak or stupid and just wants…everything to be good again."

"You can read her like a book, you know that?"

"I'll take that as a compliment", Zac said and Ashley could hear him smiling through the phone. "Bye, Ash."

"Oh!" Ashley said hurriedly. "Ness wants me to tell you that she loves you."

"Tell her I love her, too, OK?"

"I will. Bye, Zac."

"Bye, Ash."

Later that same night, Vanessa arrived home, exhausted. She didn't know that having a baby made a person so tired, and she was definitely tired, tired, tired. She brushed her teeth and washed her face and put on her pajamas, the silky fabric straining against her almost-seventh-month bump. She climbed under the cool sheets and curled into a ball, feeling the baby kicking. It was the only way she could get warm. After an hour, she was still freezing, so she got up to get a blanket from the closet and almost fell over doing it. She returned to bed and felt tears start down her cheeks, again. She didn't know what was making her so dreadfully sad. Hormones? Grief about the fact that her husband was all the way across the county and would be for three weeks? Grief about the fact that her baby had died and that she was scared of messing up with the one on the way? Hormones? Greif? Maybe both. Probably both.

Vanessa then looked at the clock. It was 9:30. Only 9:30! She saw that, and declared herself a hopeless case. No one should ever be this tired at 9:30! No one. But she was. She turned over to other side, since she couldn't very well lie on her stomach, frustrated. And then, at that exact moment of frustration, her phone rang. _Fate must've stepped in_, she thought to herself and she pushed the green talk button.

It was Zac.

"Hey", she said into the phone, propping her head up by her elbow.

"Hi, Ness. How are you? And the baby?" He liked to think that a baby was still a baby even though it wasn't born yet.

"We're both fine", she said. "Better now that you're here." Zac had to smile at that. She sounded like a cute, little girl and he loved it. "Hey, Zaccy?"

"Yeah, sweetie?"

"You and Ash…You guys aren't hiding anything from me are you?"

"No, no, no", Zac said. "We would never do that to you, Van. Not ever."

"So, everything's OK?"

"Yeah", Zac said. "Everything's OK."

And it was, at least for now.


End file.
